What the hell is an influencer, really?

As much as I would love to say the answer to that question is “jack shit,” I’m afraid there’s a little more to the title “influencer” than that. After all, it’s the buzzword of the decade, isn’t it?

The moment America became obsessed with spelling things with a “K” and stalking socialites with sex tapes, being paid to be popular has become, in no small way, the New American Dream.

We should’ve seen this coming though, no? In a country where we teach young adults chemistry but not taxes, how to find a hypotenuse but not how to budget - what did we expect? In a nation with an economy that fosters helplessness and encourages outrageous amounts of debt in exchange for education. We’ve made wealth something to be seen through a window. Something to be followed.

A window, a phone screen, whatever…

I’m not innocent here, either, don’t get me wrong. I spent a huge section of my life focused on growing viewership and follower counts. I used to keep daily reports of it. I wish I had kept records of my emotional state during that phase, I wonder if I’d see any significant correlations. I’m betting I would.

So… What’s the point Rustin? Why are you writing this? Are you just some jaded queen upset life isn’t all puppy dog filters and sparkles?

Far from it.

I’m writing my thoughts down on this - and sharing them here, with you, because today I’ve done something I’m proud of. Something that makes me smile when I’m all alone. Something that makes me feel hopeful. But here’s the rub; it’s not glamorous.

It’s nothing that makes a good caption to a photo of me shirtless with champagne in Mykonos, and it isn’t some thrilling encounter with fame or stardom.

Today, I paid off my credit card.

If I’m going to have this audience, and these followers (and let’s be honest here, it’d be stupid for me to delete the accounts when they can help my business grow) then I feel like I should, at the very least, attempt to take some responsibility with the content I share.

My father always taught me to be a bigger man, take the higher road. I think that comes in a lot of forms.

It’s easy for me to continue looking like a financial powerhouse online. That’s a story people want to see. That’s the New American Dream. They’ll believe it, if you put it out there. They’ll want it to be true, so they can want it too. It’s just one vicious cycle. It’s much harder to say I’ve been living outside of my means, and actively working to catch up with the image of myself I put out there.

If I’m going to be considered an “influencer,” then I want my influence on others to result in how I’m feeling today.

A few months ago, I started using a budgeting software called “You Need A Budget” after doing a bit of research. (This is not a sponsored post, but if you’re reading this YNAB, feel free to cut me a check.) I had been using Mint for about 3 years, but it just wasn’t making much of an impact aside from a few emails letting me know I spent too much… again.

The first few weeks with YNAB were awful. Annoying, frustrating, anxiety-inducing, awful.

It forces the user to budget only the money they currently possess, not the money they are expecting. Which means that a lot of my “goals” (like rent, and my phone bill) would be red until payday came and I could set that amount aside.

It forced a shift in the way I view money. I stopped spending mentally before I earned physically. That shift changed everything for me.

What works for me might not work for you, but I’m hoping you’ll honestly explore what does work for you, because when you, and I mean that… you. When you take control of your finances, address your problems head on, and start making smarter decisions to turn things around. Nothing feels as good as that. (And considering I’ve been the boyfriend of a Billionaire and on more than one occasion I’ve spent more than normal people earn in a year in the span of a few hours, I think I’m a decent authority on that subject.)

Now I’ve got a long, long way to go. But at least I have some direction.

I just wanted to share something with y’all that really meant something to me.