It's been a rough year.

I’ve managed to book a ridiculously expensive, last-minute “economy” flight home after a series of my mistakes that resulted in a non-refundable ticket on the wrong date, which seems to be fitting for how things have been going lately. New York has not been kind to me recently. In fact, New York has all but chewed me up and spat me out over the past year. And if I’m being totally honest with you, and I feel like I can be, more than once I began looking into tossing in the towel and finding a less intense place to live. But sitting here, on the floor of the Houston, Texas airport, next to this loud and racist woman who smells like fast food, preparing to board my shitty flight that cost me my last buck, I’m still excited. That’s the thing about New York - no matter how tough it gets, I still get excited to return. 

I get a good number of emails (or messages from platform or another,) asking me how I always stay so positive and motivated, and the honest answer is that I don’t. People tend to share the best and brightest parts of their lives and to hide away the rougher patches, and I’m no different. This year has been incredibly rough financially as the real estate market has slowed, I’ve gone through a breakup that felt like my heart got ripped out, I struggled with insecurities and health issues that I had to overcome, had strangers send malicious packages to me, and began to feel like I was completely isolated. New York can do that to you - you can be completely surrounded all the time and somehow still feel alone. 

Why am I spilling all this to y’all like I’m some teenage girl with a diary? Because it might help someone overcome the same feelings, and if I can help anyone feel like they aren’t alone, that’s a win in my book. So here’s what I’ve learned this week. 

When I feel like I’m losing, I do everything I can to avoid facing that truth. If I feel like I’m spending more than I’m earning, I’ll just avoid looking at my bank statements. If I feel like I am behind on my sales, I won’t pull up my analytics or business plan. If I’m not keeping up with my gym routine, I’ll stop logging it in my journal. It’s an awful habit, but it’s a flaw I’m working on. The worst part is that I can keep myself busy enough to feel like I’m justifying these actions. 

Last week, however, I went totally off-grid with my family for a Christmas Cruise and it was exactly what I needed to reboot. I’m feeling energized, excited, and ready to kick some ass. I’ve got a Tony Robbins book sitting next to me ready for a refresher and smile on my face. Sometimes when you feel like your losing, throwing in the towel might not be the best solution. Sometimes you just need a little time out to remember why you get in the ring in the first place. 


Why I stopped vlogging.


Unbecoming the monster.